Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Randomize
