It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize