I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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