Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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