After last night, I could never be a politician.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize