I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
