Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize