i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I forgot how hot balto sounded
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
