I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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