My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Randomize
