you guys were way drunker than both of me
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize