i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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