We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
