haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
