she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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