as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
If I die, sorry about rent.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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