Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
