Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
