i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
