You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
