Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize