I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize