whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
