we're blogging at a bar
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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