It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
