i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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