Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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