I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
