I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
