You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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