I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
