I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
