I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
