I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
