great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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