like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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