i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
the day after is always just damage control
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
