Sorry, I don't speak sober.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
