If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
