He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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