The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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