the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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