Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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