I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Randomize
