your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
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