I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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