What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
one might say we're banned from that church
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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