Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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