She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
They are going to name an STD after you.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
