Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize