How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
