Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
