Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
