Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
