At least make sure they are 18
Why
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I miss vodka workout Fridays
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
