at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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