Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
