We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
