remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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