is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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