I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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