I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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