i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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