I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
