I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
