I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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