I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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