Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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