i just had sex bonerless
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
