I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
