shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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