my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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