Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
