She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
