Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
