Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
