My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
