also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
